I pride myself on the
fact that many people do not believe I exist simply because they have never
seen me when they come to visit. They think I am a figment of Mummy’s and Dad’s
imagination.
I derive much pleasure from listening to The Parents describe my quirks, charms and, well…no, not the indiscretions. That isn’t much fun. But everything else is hilarious!
You see, I have radar that lets me know when strangers are within 50 miles of the house, and I ‘head for the hills’, as they say, until my radar blows the all-clear. Most times people ask where I am (because Mummy and Dad can’t help talking about me), and the answer is always the same….
I derive much pleasure from listening to The Parents describe my quirks, charms and, well…no, not the indiscretions. That isn’t much fun. But everything else is hilarious!
You see, I have radar that lets me know when strangers are within 50 miles of the house, and I ‘head for the hills’, as they say, until my radar blows the all-clear. Most times people ask where I am (because Mummy and Dad can’t help talking about me), and the answer is always the same….
Like the other night
when Grandma came over, and Dad was talking about how I had gained a pound, (per
Vet’s very off-caliber scales), leaving me at a pretty substantial figure.
“My, he must be huge!” Grandma said.
DAD: “Oh, yes,
Augustus is a big boy. “
Grandma: “Can I see
him? Where is he?”
DAD: “Under the
bathtub.”
Grandma: “Oh, I see.”
Hmmm. Not very convincing, is it, Grandma?
Mummy quickly added several things to vilify Dad and offer further proof that I am real, such as pointing out the whacking great dust kittens in the corner and mentioning the 56 (count them!) cans of fish they have to purchase every week along with 32 pounds of Cat Chow crunchies and 32 pounds of Tidy Cat litter (not all for me, thanks very much, Mummy). Dad pointed out the three litter pans (again, not all for me), as added inducement to believe I am not of fairy tale stuff (though I am handsome!).
Nevertheless, as she was leaving, Grandma let fall a loose comment about having grand-cats she has ‘never laid eyes on, except in pictures which anyone can produce from a dozen sources’.
As soon as the door closed I slid out of my lair and glided into the living room, ready for a relaxing evening. Dad demanded an explanation of how I can know when someone has departed seeing as I was under the bathtub on the other side of the house.
I shrugged my fluffy shoulders, hopped onto the sofa and said, “Oh, just a knack.”
Mummy quickly added several things to vilify Dad and offer further proof that I am real, such as pointing out the whacking great dust kittens in the corner and mentioning the 56 (count them!) cans of fish they have to purchase every week along with 32 pounds of Cat Chow crunchies and 32 pounds of Tidy Cat litter (not all for me, thanks very much, Mummy). Dad pointed out the three litter pans (again, not all for me), as added inducement to believe I am not of fairy tale stuff (though I am handsome!).
Nevertheless, as she was leaving, Grandma let fall a loose comment about having grand-cats she has ‘never laid eyes on, except in pictures which anyone can produce from a dozen sources’.
As soon as the door closed I slid out of my lair and glided into the living room, ready for a relaxing evening. Dad demanded an explanation of how I can know when someone has departed seeing as I was under the bathtub on the other side of the house.
I shrugged my fluffy shoulders, hopped onto the sofa and said, “Oh, just a knack.”
Cats have psychic powers! :)
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