Some have labeled me a bit paranoid –
Dad, Mummy, Aspen,
Poppet, Nutmeg, Princess, Tippy, and Nobbie, to name but a few foul blisters. However, I
have much reason to believe Mummy is out to get me at times so I am ever
prepared to make a break for it, often dashing off just in the nick of time
when my suspicions are aroused by her unseemly behavior. Outlined below are some
examples of the obvious attempts she makes on my life, and one can readily see
on reflection the evil intentions of one Mummy:
Ex.1 - Mummy walks across the floor in my direction sometimes,
very fast.
Ex.2 - Mummy picks up a dish towel and pretends to dry dishes
(like no one can see through that one!)
Ex. 3 - Mummy polishes the furniture with *gulp* a rag -
while I am in the same room!
Ex. 4 - Mummy tries to kiss me on my noggin. Oh, dear!
Ex. 5 - Mummy tries to “pet” me [code for “Murder”].
Ex. 6 - Mummy opens the pantry door when I am sitting nearby,
very fast. [Does she think I am blind?]
Ex. 7 – Mummy walks up the stairs when I am lounging on them
(she thinks I don’t notice but do I ever see through her subterfuges!).
This is to name but a few of the varied ways in which Mummy
Dearest is whittling away at my 9 lives. When I see any of these
not-so-well-hidden activities occur I head for the hills. Of course, sometimes
these are genuine maneuvers to accomplish some other goal (Mummy does indeed
polish the furniture sometimes, for example, and she sometimes pets me just to
be nice (as much as a serial cat killer can be nice, I should say…) but it
takes a discerning mind to note the difference and be prepared for action.
Whichever it turns out to be on a given day, Mummy is not going to pull a fast
one on me – not if I have anything to say about it!
I will be ready!
Hmmph.
Oh, Gussie - too funny! I am sure your Mummy isn't trying to kill you. But I guess it doesn't hurt to be prepared just in case! :)
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