...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Decorating 101

Overcoming Obstacles To Your New-Found Interior Decorating Career, or
Defying Mummy’s Attempts at Limiting Your Creativity By Keeping Things Out Of Reach

Step 1 – When Mummy places the new basket of apples out of reach, say, way up on the counter, leap to your goal! Now is your chance – seize the day! Or in this case, an apple!

Step 2 – Roll forbidden fruit to the edge of the counter and push it off, peering over to watch it fall to the floor…

Step 3 – Gaze horrified as the apple deviates from the plan and swings wide, smashing into Mummy’s stemware on the shelf below the counter (thinking harsh thoughts about the person who left that shelf there to begin with. I am thinking, that is, not the apple), LOUDLY scattering fragments of glass across the room.

Step 4 – Make a beeline for the underside of the bathtub, looking neither to the right nor to the left, just in case Mummy is coming from either direction (how does she manage to sound like she is coming from everywhere at once?).

At this point in the proceedings you should be feeling pretty good about your accomplishments, providing everything has gone according to plan. Since my plan did not quite work out, I don’t feel so good and believe I will stay here under the tub for a while to recuperate.
It is my only chance of survival; Mummy was rather fond of those glasses…

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