...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Friday, January 25, 2013

Yard Work[over]

It is that time of year again, says Mummy, when one must turn one’s thoughts to the Great Outdoors and things that must be done to get the yard ready for spring viewing. Of course, we kits are the only ones who view it (via the Great Indoors) but that is neither here nor there, as They say.

What is glaringly apparent, continues Mummy, is that our yard looks perfectly rotten! Had I known this, of course, I would have taken a stricter line with said Mummy, ensuring we kits were not embarrassed knowing the neighbors might have seen our wayward acreage but still, there it is.

The reality? There is this whacking great patch of lawn full of rolling hills and weeds (the likes of which should win Mummy some sort of award for Most Unwanted Varieties in a Single Piece of Landscape or some such thing). So Mummy has decided, at much risk to our capital investment expenditures on fish, to install a Patio, teeming with flagstones and walls, surrounded by deep beds begging for lush plantings which, says she, will make her yard work simpler. I say it is most distressing to suddenly find the lawn crawling with fellows who, unannounced, could have been burglars of any variety. And to hear the ominous sounds of gargantuan Monsters chewing up the turf is, frankly, a bit thick for this quiet-craving guy.

For my part, I have taken the occasional peek out the window, keeping myself carefully hidden from view – I am, after all, in my skivvies – while maintaining some measure of composure for documenting the facts. So far, these fellows have dumped piles of rocks and dirt everywhere, pulled up plantings and otherwise generally ruined what I always thought was a tidy but of landscape. In other words, it [still] looks perfectly rotten.

I think Mummy’s plan is a bust. 

How to break it to her, that is the burning issue of the hour….

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Um, Er…Help?

I say! Minding my own business just now, sitting on the bathroom counter politely waiting on my morning beverage (the good old tissue restorer known as Water), I suddenly find myself confronted by a strange new occurrence – viz. there is a small but noticeable kitten absolutely dangling from my tail!

What, I ask, did I do wrong as a child to merit such distress?

Let me back up a smidge.

There has been a diminutive grayish, dust-bunnyish looking fuzzball charging about the place the past few weeks (going by the silly sobriquet of Puff) and generally upsetting the delicate balance of nature, as it were. It is obnoxiously fun-loving, seeking adventure at any cost [to others]. What is worse, Mummy actually allows this erratic behavior to continue unchecked, culminating in the afore-described incident.

And what I wish to know is this: how does one relieve one’s self of a limpet?

I appeal to anyone having ever experienced such an ordeal, for gazing downward, I see in Puff’s eyes that look of endeavoring to persevere. She is twisting and turning, attacking my silky gray fur with tiny claws and teeth, and otherwise making a nuisance of herself while having the time of her little life.
In short, it appears she is in it for the long haul.

We could be here a while.

Suggestions are welcome!


Sunday, January 13, 2013


There is nothing quite like resting one’s cold, damp toes on Mummy’s warm back after a splash-about in The Pool (AKA Water Dish)….

There is also nothing quite like the reaction one gets from Mummy on feeling icy wet feet in the small of her back while trying to snooze.

I say! 
Perhaps it would be best to check out that noise I heard in the other room just now….

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Decorating 101

Overcoming Obstacles To Your New-Found Interior Decorating Career, or
Defying Mummy’s Attempts at Limiting Your Creativity By Keeping Things Out Of Reach

Step 1 – When Mummy places the new basket of apples out of reach, say, way up on the counter, leap to your goal! Now is your chance – seize the day! Or in this case, an apple!

Step 2 – Roll forbidden fruit to the edge of the counter and push it off, peering over to watch it fall to the floor…

Step 3 – Gaze horrified as the apple deviates from the plan and swings wide, smashing into Mummy’s stemware on the shelf below the counter (thinking harsh thoughts about the person who left that shelf there to begin with. I am thinking, that is, not the apple), LOUDLY scattering fragments of glass across the room.

Step 4 – Make a beeline for the underside of the bathtub, looking neither to the right nor to the left, just in case Mummy is coming from either direction (how does she manage to sound like she is coming from everywhere at once?).

At this point in the proceedings you should be feeling pretty good about your accomplishments, providing everything has gone according to plan. Since my plan did not quite work out, I don’t feel so good and believe I will stay here under the tub for a while to recuperate.
It is my only chance of survival; Mummy was rather fond of those glasses…