...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I’ve Been Poisoned!

Mummy was acting a bit suspicious this morning, working quietly in the kitchen while humming a nameless tune. I thought I heard a rustling noise - like a box being opened – so I peeked around the corner of the room-I-dare-not-enter [remember, I was banned from the kitchen until I learned some Manners], thinking it might be a treat.  But abruptly she ceased action, giving me a swift sideways glance. Something in my memory jarred; when have I noticed this sly behavior before? Wait a minute…something is stirring in the old bean….
Nope. Can’t recall anything. So I slid past her and raced to my favorite chair by the window. Well, I knew when Mummy didn’t shout at me for being in the Untouchable Room that she must be really preoccupied but what could have her so entranced that she was oblivious to my blatant crime? [For the record, I wasn’t technically in that room; my feet never touched the floor, honest!]. Oh, well, I thought – maybe she has forgiven me and is ready to concede that she was too harsh about the muffins. So I settled down, leaning over the arm of the chair, gazing out onto the patio, my mind slooowlly drifting away…. Suddenly I felt Mummy’s presence lurking, hanging over me like a vulture!  Then she raised her arm, casting a shadow on my now upturned face; I cowered with sudden recollection of the memory that had escaped me before – Poison! Drip, drip, drip…Mummy was doing it again!
For anyone who may be interested in the insidious nature of Mummy, I must tell you that she poisons me once a month like clockwork, claiming she is trying to prevent me from having a "Flea" (is that like a conniption?) but I know secretly she is trying to kill me little by little so no one will suspect. What’s worse, Dad lets her do it! He sits idly by, pretending not to notice all the while she is mixing her brew and pouring it out on me. Further, I have reason to suspect that Vet is in on it, too - he slips them a box of something every now and then. What can I do? I just hope my constitution is rigid enough to keep me going. *Cough, cough, ack*

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