...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Augustus, The Apparition

I pride myself on the fact that many people do not believe I exist simply because they have never seen me when they come to visit. They think I am a figment of Mummy’s and Dad’s imagination.
I derive much pleasure from listening to The Parents describe my quirks, charms and, well…no, not the indiscretions. That isn’t much fun. But everything else is hilarious!
You see, I have radar that lets me know when strangers are within 50 miles of the house, and I ‘head for the hills’, as they say, until my radar blows the all-clear. Most times people ask where I am (because Mummy and Dad can’t help talking about me), and the answer is always the same….

Like the other night when Grandma came over, and Dad was talking about how I had gained a pound, (per Vet’s very off-caliber scales), leaving me at a pretty substantial figure.
 “My, he must be huge!” Grandma said.
DAD: “Oh, yes, Augustus is a big boy. “
Grandma: “Can I see him? Where is he?”
DAD: “Under the bathtub.”
Grandma: “Oh, I see.”

Hmmm.  Not very convincing, is it, Grandma?
Mummy quickly added several things to vilify Dad and offer further proof that I am real, such as pointing out the whacking great dust kittens in the corner and mentioning the 56 (count them!) cans of fish they have to purchase every week along with 32 pounds of Cat Chow crunchies and 32 pounds of Tidy Cat litter (not all for me, thanks very much, Mummy).  Dad pointed out the three litter pans (again, not all for me), as added inducement to believe I am not of fairy tale stuff (though I am handsome!).

Nevertheless, as she was leaving, Grandma let fall a loose comment about having grand-cats she has ‘never laid eyes on, except in pictures which anyone can produce from a dozen sources’.
As soon as the door closed I slid out of my lair and glided into the living room, ready for a relaxing evening. Dad demanded an explanation of how I can know when someone has departed seeing as I was under the bathtub on the other side of the house.
I shrugged my fluffy shoulders, hopped onto the sofa and said, “Oh, just a knack.”

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