...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I’ve Been Shot…!

…in the line of duty! 
This morning I was demonstrating to young Mosby, one of the urchin kittens who has apparently decided to stick around the house instead of going out and getting a job or something, what you are NOT supposed to be doing – viz. getting on the kitchen table. 
I am, naturally, of the school of thought that actions speak louder than words, and what better way to demonstrate a no-no than by actively pursuing it? So, making sure he was watching, I squatted down, waggled my rear and made a flying leap at the kitchen table, landing ever so neatly (if not softly) in the middle. I turned to be sure Mosby was still observing – young kids these days are so easily distracted – then proceeded to stroll leisurely along the edge, stopping here and there to sniff for possible food fragments. Nothing, as usual – you’d think just once Mummy would leave some crumbs for me but no. 
Again checking to be sure my young protégé was agog with wonder (naturally he was), I sat down, lifted my back leg over my head and began a nice leisurely bath when I suddenly felt a zap in my hindquarters. 
Oh the pain – the agony! 
They got me this time….oooooooh; 
I‘m dying….this is it……..uuungh….
What is that terrible smell?? 
Death, it is Death come for me!

I should point out here that Mummy has been using certain...er, disciplinary measures of late to keep the urchins Mosby and Morgan off the aforementioned dining table, including a gun (cleverly disguised as a water bottle), to which ammunition (hereby known as water) she adds a certain measure of vinegar.  
Yes – VINEGAR, and boy is it pungent! 
It is this deadly weapon with which I have been shot.
It is insufficient to say that I was surprised, and now I am going to croak just because I was trying [honest!] to teach that rug rat how to behave himself. Well, that’s it – my teaching days are over! 
Mosby can just fend for himself. Call me a coward but I simply do not think teaching someone manners is worth getting shot over. I am off to live my last few minutes in bed where hopefully I can get a good last nap.

And Mummy is most assuredly out of the will. 
If I can just locate the number of my lawyer….

1 comment:

  1. Too funny Gussie! I guess you'd better let Mosby get shot next time instead. :)