...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Mummy’s Murderous Mind

Some have labeled me a bit paranoid – 
Dad, Mummy, Aspen, Poppet, Nutmeg, Princess, Tippy, and Nobbie,  to name but a few foul blisters. However, I have much reason to believe Mummy is out to get me at times so I am ever prepared to make a break for it, often dashing off just in the nick of time when my suspicions are aroused by her unseemly behavior. Outlined below are some examples of the obvious attempts she makes on my life, and one can readily see on reflection the evil intentions of one Mummy:

Ex.1 - Mummy walks across the floor in my direction sometimes, very fast.
Ex.2 - Mummy picks up a dish towel and pretends to dry dishes (like no one can see through that one!)
Ex. 3 - Mummy polishes the furniture with *gulp* a rag - while I am in the same room!
Ex. 4 - Mummy tries to kiss me on my noggin. Oh, dear!
Ex. 5 - Mummy tries to “pet” me [code for “Murder”].
Ex. 6 - Mummy opens the pantry door when I am sitting nearby, very fast. [Does she think I am blind?]
Ex. 7 – Mummy walks up the stairs when I am lounging on them (she thinks I don’t notice but do I ever see through her subterfuges!).

This is to name but a few of the varied ways in which Mummy Dearest is whittling away at my 9 lives. When I see any of these not-so-well-hidden activities occur I head for the hills. Of course, sometimes these are genuine maneuvers to accomplish some other goal (Mummy does indeed polish the furniture sometimes, for example, and she sometimes pets me just to be nice (as much as a serial cat killer can be nice, I should say…) but it takes a discerning mind to note the difference and be prepared for action. 
Whichever it turns out to be on a given day, Mummy is not going to pull a fast one on me – not if I have anything to say about it!
I will be ready!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Gussie - too funny! I am sure your Mummy isn't trying to kill you. But I guess it doesn't hurt to be prepared just in case! :)