...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lessons in Sharing

Tonight Mummy made broiled flounder and scrumptious crab cakes for dinner. When it was time, we all gathered ‘round the table in our usual seats, me right beneath Dad (he tends to offer more generous portions than Mummy), the others scattered at intervals between the colonnade of table-, chair- and people legs. All seven of us sitting patiently, waiting… AND waiting…
It seems Mummy and Dad were so absorbed in their silly conversation and pure indulgence in the aromatic foodstuffs that they completely forgot that the rest of us were even in the room! Do you think we got even a morsel of flounder, a snippet of flaky, tender crab cake? NO. That is, not until I took steps to correct the situation. Sometimes parents just need to be reminded, I guess.
When it became apparent that the usual ‘ahem’ing and leg-pawing weren’t working, I thought something more drastic was called for. After all, my tummy was in no mood to be trifled with. Leaving my preferred place and slithering through the crowd of fluffy tails and tickly whiskers, I found myself beneath the chair just opposite Mummy, beneath the EMPTY chair…As it was unoccupied I took up residence, transitioning easily into my famous ‘stealth mode’. No response (not to my presence, anyway. Mummy laughed a good bit at some goofy thing Dad said). Good! 

 I poked my nose above the level of the table to scope things out, rather like a periscope. Well, not really – my nose doesn’t bend. It does wrinkle up sometimes, though, which Mummy says is cute…where was I? Oh, yes – “poking my nose above the level of the table”...got it! I could hear the delicious sounds of forks scritching across plates, of broccolis being champed – this was too much! My head popped up, and I found myself at eye level with that big platter overflowing with juicy fish and steamed rice - oh what aroma, what nuances of butter and stuff! Still no reproach, Dad butchering yet another joke, Mummy saying how delicious the flounder was with just the right hint of seasonings…ummm…I sniffed and sniffed until next thing I know I follow my nose and am seated right beside the platter, looking down at that lovely, steaming pile….
I have no explanation for what I did next. It was there, I was there…well, the long and short of it is, I grabbed a filet and made off with it! I have never committed a crime so blatant as that, and it felt marvelous! I was free as the wind, racing toward the table’s edge, thinking gloating thoughts of how impressed Aspen and Nutmeg, et al, would be when Whoof! My advance was checked by a pair of hands grasping my vast waistline (I knew it wasn’t Mummy - she can’t get her hands around me).  Dad ordered me to “Drop it!”, and Mummy was laughing so hard she started crying. Boohoo – I’m the one that got busted! What in the world did she have to cry about? Then she said those awful words, making me cringe to my soles of my fuzzy footpads: “You knew you were going to get some. Why didn’t you wait like a good boy?” How humiliating, and right in front of everyone, too. I hung my head in shame.
The good news is that I wasn’t put in chokey (Mummy and Dad are really pretty easy), and Mummy made us each a nice plate of that incredible cuisine so I didn’t miss out on a thing. You should have heard all the smacking going on – what a meal! 
Oh, and the lesson I learned? Be patient, or move reeeeally fast!

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