...Er, um, Hello!

My name is Augustus. I have parents. Sometimes life can be difficult. I possess the great skill of being able to charm the socks off of anyone who chances to spot me, a rare occurrence indeed. [The spotting, that is; not the charming!]
However, for you, Dear Reader, I am prepared to divulge my deepest thoughts and perspective of the world, mostly because if I don't tell somebody what is going on around here, I am going to pop!
But be warned, proceed with caution: Living with Mummy and Dad can be rather harrowing at times...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Rules, Rules, Rules!

There is something not quite right with the legislative branch at our house. It seems every time I turn around, I bump into a new rule I did not know existed, making it dashed difficult to know what you CAN do (in fact, that would be a shorter list). Like the time I removed the [offensive, I thought] lining from Dad’s shoe, which I expected would please him, not having to worry about it lurking in there anymore. Need I recount the lecture I got? Or the time I stripped all the pesky leaves off of that dratted ivy plant: it looks much better sleek but Mummy apparently prefers the bushy look, if her [over]reaction is any indication.
And today, when I was enjoying a simple cookie and tea that was kindly left out for me, replete with napkin, next to where Mummy sits [at her desk]. Her seat was vacant so naturally I presumed it must be for me, she knowing that I like to sit on the desk as well (the comestibles in question were closer to my spot than hers).  Well, I KNOW it is against the law to eat muffin tops (whoever thought that one up is insane – what harm does eating a few muffin tops ever bring to anyone, I ask?), and I further know that snagging a cookie from the rack before they are cool is a criminal offense (If I want to burn my tongue, let me, say I! Cookies are better warm, simple as that). But how was I supposed to know that enjoying an abandoned…er, strategically placed… tray laden with peanut butter cookies and a steaming cup of Earl Gray tea is enough to put you away for life? I mean to say, when a fellow can’t enjoy what is plainly left out for him, the world is in a sad state of affairs.
The Judge and Jury (aka Mummy) walked in on me licking my chops, noted my whiskers dusted with crumbs, and decided I had overstepped my bounds. She ruthlessly took away my treat and tossed me out of the sitting room on my ear. Well, not exactly ON my ear but it amounted to that. Anyway, now she is probably in there eating my cookie and sipping my tea while I am left in the cold. Where is the justice in that? I say she stole MY cookie and tea and took over MY spot on the desk – both things which should land her in the hoosegow and no questions asked. If only I had a camera, I would practice my detecting skills and catch her red-pawed. Then I would send the pictures to the local magistrate (aka Dad) and plead for help. Of course, he has to be here in order to see the pictures but since he is always gallivanting across the country, leaving me to fend for myself in this lawlessly awfully lawful land, he is no help. What are the innocent to do? Somehow, some way, Justice must be served. I think I am going to go to school so I can study to become a policeman and arrest that woman.
 Stealing my peanut butter cookies…Hrmmph!

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