Augustus’ Exercise Routine

It takes diligence and stick-to-itiveness to be able to maintain a physique like mine. 

For those who may be struggling with how to incorporate some much needed exercise into their daily routine, I have noted my tried and true basic moves to keep the muscles lean and the ol’ heart healthy.

Step 1 – LEGS:

Locate a great place for a nap that includes people watching views, such as a sofa, stair landing, or chair by the window (my personal favorite). Walking around to find this place really gets the blood flowing and the heart racing. Once there, rest a couple of hours before beginning the next step.

NOTE: Do not despair! This gets easier with practice because next time you will know where that spot is and be able to go straight to it. As Dad always says, the fastest route is a straight line!

Step 2 – EYES:

Observe people as they walk by. Mummy for instance, chasing The Monster around, or Nutmeg chasing Princess around. Perhaps Mummy and Nutmeg are not at your house on a given day, so you can substitute anyone who happens to swim into view. This will put a considerable strain on your eyes so be sure to rest them periodically by closing them, maintaining a sitting* position if possible.
Rest again.

*Advanced. For Beginner level (or if you are just tired), try a laying position.

Step 3 – EARS:

 Listen for loud and unusual noises, carefully swiveling your ears in different directions to capture the nuances. This will strengthen* the ear muscles, making them supple and at the ready for sudden sounds of calamity and burglars.

Now rest.

*Side benefit - This can also alert you to more important activities, such as the opening of a tuna can!

Step 4 – TUMMY:

Last but not least, always remember to concentrate on the tummy muscles. This requires eating 3 well-balanced meals of fish-and-anything-else-you-can-get-your-tummy-around, plus snacks. Among approved* snacks are the following:

Muffin tops

Peanut Butter Cookies

Tapioca Pudding

Tuna

Cupcakes

Whipped Cream

*For a complete list of approved snacks, do a pantry and refrigerator inventory (you might also check known hiding spots, where parents are famous for placing illicit goodies). As long as it is not moldy, it qualifies. Exercise this option often, and you will begin to see your waistline vastly improve [in size].
(Remember to rest afterward)

In Summary:

One can see the tremendous value of incorporating exercise into one’s daily routine. 

As always, take every opportunity to rest between steps so as not to injure yourself or cause emotional distress. Following this recommended method will ensure a tranquil existence.

Unless you have parents and siblings.

There really isn’t much you can do about that, now is there?